


Secret Love

by KazOfScotland



Series: 9-1-1 Week 2020 [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV), S.W.A.T. (TV 2017)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazOfScotland/pseuds/KazOfScotland
Summary: From the Prompt: "Do you believe me?" + love
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Jim Street
Series: 9-1-1 Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818337
Kudos: 103





	Secret Love

It wasn’t intentional. He didn’t do it to hurt his team, or because he didn't trust them. It was because he was scared of it all collapsing on him, and if it did he didn’t want to have lost his support system, his family. He had already lost that once, and whilst that had worked out for the best, he didn’t think that he could rebuild again. But right now, he wished that he had shared this with them.

He and Jim had been together for nearly two years, and it had been up and down throughout, but they had loved each other without hesitation. They were there for each other through thick and thin, regardless of what had happened. But sometimes they didn’t think that they would be able to keep their relationship afloat. 

But today, today had been terrifying. Buck had been forced to stand on the sidelines with the rest of the 118 whilst he watched his boyfriend and the rest of the SWAT team he worked with run into the building. He had always been aware of what Jim did, he knew it was dangerous, but never before had he been forced to witness it. Normally he was at the firehouse or on a call, but this was far more terrifying that he had expected. 

And it only got worse when they heard the sound of gunshots. He was aware that this was literally his boyfriend's job description, to get shot at, just like how he was meant to run into a burning building everyday he was on shift. Then he heard the words that he never wanted to hear. He couldn’t tell you exactly what was said, but he knew that it was essentially that Jim had been hurt. 

All he could do was watch as they carried Jim out and Hen, Chimney and Eddie ran forward to treat him. Buck was forced to wait behind, wait and watch as his best friends treated the man that he loved. And they didn’t know. They didn’t know how important the man they were treating was to him. His heart was racing, and he knew that he had to do something when everything was all said and done for the day. 

It was the longest hours of his life until the end of his shift. Every hour felt like an eternity, every minute was like an hour, and every single second felt like a minute. It was as though time was trickling by slowly like thick molasses on a warm summer's day, and honestly, he couldn’t wait for it to be over so that he could find out how Jim was. The last he had heard he was still in the hospital and was having the bullet that had embedded in his thigh removed. 

Buck would happily admit that the second his shift was finished, he was rushing to the locker room. He didn’t even stop to change out of his uniform, instead he just grabbed his back and ran out of the door. He would happily admit that he was running on autopilot, which is partly why he stopped so abruptly when he saw Eddie leaning against his jeep. 

“What are you doing here? Your shift finished an hour ago,” Buck couldn’t stop the question, he knew it was straight to the point and rude, but it was the first thing that came to mind. He knew that his best friend was meant to be at home now with Christopher. Eddie shouldn’t have been there, Eddie shouldn’t have been worrying about anything other than his son. 

“You’ve been quiet today, Buck, what’s going on?” Eddie’s question was very nearly the straw that broke the camel's back. Buck had to bite back the fear that had been engulfing him all day. “Something happened on that SWAT call, what was it?” 

Buck couldn’t not answer. He knew that if he refused Eddie would just keep forcing the subject, and the sooner he got this conversation over with, the sooner he would see Jim and he would know what was going on. The sooner that this was over with, the sooner he would be able to have a conversation with his boyfriend about where this was going to go. For the last two years they had been together, it had never came up, they just were. 

“The SWAT officer who was shot today,” Buck started as Eddie finally pushed off of the side of his jeep which allowed Buck to put his bag in the back. “He is my boyfriend,” that was all that Buck had a chance to respond before Eddie was moving. His best friend moved quicker than he expected him to, he grabbed his keys, locked the jeep and then quickly pushed him into his truck. It wasn’t aggressive, but it was quick and left no room for argument. 

“I’ll take you to the hospital, but when we dropped him off, he was okay,” Eddie knew that now was not the time for a conversation, so he did the only thing that he could think of. He took his best friend to the hospital to ensure that he got there in one piece so as he drove, he told him all about what he and Christopher were planning for the weekend. Eddie would admit that it hurt that Buck hadn’t trusted them enough to share this part of his life with them all. 

“Buck, it’s going to be okay, so go and see your boy, and let me know if you need anything.” Buck had to appreciate the reassurance and the fact that Eddie hadn’t questioned why he had not shared that with the 118. “Go!” Eddie ordered as he pushed Buck out of the truck, he knew that his best friend was nervous, but he also knew that he would be fine and it would all go as it was meant to. 

Buck made his way from Eddie’s truck to the hospital room that Jim was in on autopilot. He knew that he had stopped to ask for Jim’s room number, but that was all he could tell you. All he could tell you was that his mind was racing, he was scared that Jim wouldn’t want to see him, but he was also scared that he would confess his love and be pushed away. 

But the second that he saw the man he had been with for two years he was relieved. Jim was sitting talking with his teammate and best friend, Luca. And truthfully, at one point during the day, he had doubted that he would see it. But now that he could see it, he wanted nothing more than to rush in, however he couldn’t, because no one knew about them. 

Instead all he could do was knock against the doorframe and stick his head in. “Hey, just wanted to check that you were okay?” He managed to keep his voice steady and the relief that was flooding through him from leaking into it as he spoke. But it was tough, especially when Jim turned to look at him and greeted him with the brightest smile he could ever get. 

“Yeah, I’m good, but we need to talk.” And those were the words that Buck had both been looking for and had dreaded. He was glad to hear that Jim was okay, but the fact that he wanted to talk was enough to cause all sense of self-doubt and self-depreciation to return. “Luca, can you give us some time?” Buck’s mind was racing far too fast for him to register what Luca’s response was until it was only him and Jim in the street. 

“Hi.” Buck could not think of anything else to say as he stepped into the room. He had stopped just inside the room until Jim held out his hand and beckoned him forward. “I need to ask you something, but if you want this to end, I don’t want to put it on the line.” Buck was not a coward, he was a firefighter, he risked his life for a living, but he was terrified and did not want to risk his life. 

“I don’t want us to end this, Evan. I want to tell everyone, I want to be able to say that you are my boyfriend, I want them to know about us.” Buck also wasn't the type to cry, he wore his heart on his sleeve, but relationships were always where he hid everything. However, by now he was standing close enough to Jim, that the man managed to reach out and pull him in close. “Do you believe me?” The question was whispered into Buck’s ear and he couldn’t help the smile that exploded from him. 

“I love you, Jim, this is what I want.” Buck admitted before he pulled back from the tight embrace that Jim was holding him in. He couldn’t stop the fact that he was smiling so brightly, nor could he think of any other reaction than to kiss the man he had spent the vast majority of the day worrying about. 

  
  



End file.
